2017 reflection

 Reflection of my Playlist according to Spotify. 

Listening to my older top songs on Spotify, I find myself transported back to 2017, the last year of my marriage. It was a time marked by a tumultuous mix of fleeting good days and deeper struggles, where both my partner and I seemed lost in our own identities. A couple of songs really encapsulated the internal mood I was navigating, serving as both a soundtrack to my experiences and a reflection of my emotional state.

"Heavy” by Linkin Park (ft. Kiiara) resonated deeply with me. The weight of its lyrics mirrored my own feelings of being trapped under the pressure of trying to conform to others' expectations. I was isolating myself, losing sight of who I truly was in an effort to make those around me more comfortable. The song became a symbol of my struggle, a reminder that I needed to confront the heaviness I was carrying rather than let it define me.

Then there was “Road to Recovery” by Soldier Hard. This track represented the crucial steps I needed to take towards healing. It echoed my desire to reclaim a sense of sanity and stillness amidst the chaos. The notion of recovery became a powerful symbol in my life, pushing me to surround myself with a chosen few who truly understood my journey. It was a pivotal moment of realization: I had the agency to steer my own path.

“With or Without You” by Dope encapsulated the internal conflict I faced. The lyrics spoke to the painful decision of choosing between being my authentic self or remaining a mere prop in someone else’s narrative. It was a turning point for me, where I had to confront the abyss of inauthentic existence, and decide to embrace my identity, regardless of the consequences.

At the lowest point of that year, the melody of “Not the Time” by Dopesic provided a strange comfort. It felt like a lullaby for my psyche, soothing me as I played a losing hand in a situation that felt overwhelming. The song symbolized my struggle but also my resilience, reminding me that it was okay to feel lost, as long as I continued searching for my way back.

These songs became more than just music; they were artifacts of my emotional journey, embodying my struggles and triumphs. They helped me navigate the complexities of my experiences, providing both solace and clarity. As I reflect on those moments, I recognize how music can serve as a powerful form of symbolic interactionism, allowing me to connect my internal feelings with the external world, ultimately guiding me toward healing and self-discovery.

A few other notable songs from that for me was:

>Not Prepared by Mesh.  

>Disappoint by Assemblage23 (Its more towards monologuing with myself)

>We Don't Run by Bon Jovi

>Forgive Me by Dark Half

>Go Away Bad Dreams by Deine Lakaien