Hey there,
Okay here is the thing, I hate being stupid again. I hate having to relearn everything. You know that saying "Learn your lesson and move on" What did I miss out on which requires me to start back from the bottom of the lake again. I hate trying to learn math. It's driving me crazy. I look at my montana and Ohio transcript and see "Calculus 1" and the look at my text book "Elementary Algebra" which is making me want to just give up. Of course I won't but having to relearn over 100 credits hours of classes again and having it come SO HARD to remember, to recall to get through these classes is something I am not sure I want to do. I wanted to be a professional, I wanted to become good in whatever field I had chosen and now I am not even at square one, but in the negative since not only do I need to relearn, but I need to relearn just the basics I should be in grad school now, not taking beginning classes. :( I should be starting to get my mark made not removing all the efforts from the last 17 years. I know it'll somehow play out for me to have to go through this again even with it so darn-gotten harder.
Anyhow it's strange being at college and actually almost in the actually area of life where I 'should' be at in my life. It's weird not standing out as the 'kid' of the campus like in Montana. Kinda cool to, I can flirt and have fun like a normal college kid now. I miss the kids back home but between my headaches, trying to relearn, and still getting medical care, I have no time to truly raise someone full time right now. But every extended holiday and term break I will meet up with them somewhere when possible. :)
Oh yeah and there is this guy. His name is Byron. I spoke to him a couple of weeks ago when we both were waiting for our rides. He is a bit older then those I usually associate with outside of businesses. Anyhow I had to put myself in check today. He called a hello to me from a table outside the cafe. First thing that went through my mind was "god no..." Well I caught myself and turned with a smile and went to sit down for a few minutes. I knew I was being now better then the men who required such out of me. I sat for about 15 minutes until my class and talked to him. I tried to listen open and honestly and be completely present but then again watching his body, listening to his choice of words made me start a mild profile on him. I could tell from his eyes that there is something that really brings pain to him. I can not at this time know what it is. He seems like a good enough character but from the veins on his nose, he has been a heavy drinker. He is not driving at his age so he must have lost his license. I still have my Montana license but it is unwise for me to drive plus my mom would not like me drive even if I had a NM license. Anywho, Byron seems like someone I would indeed like to get to know more, just need to stay on my toes with him. I would not want him to get secure in my friendship to release that mixture of pain and anger on me. I been the target of being the one to 'represent' the person, aspect, event, or experience which people want to destroy when they are in needing to release the baggage they hold in the most fury-dramatic form they can think of. I just don't need that any more. I need to stop being the person to help 'fix' and mend others. I need to keep my focus on my at least for a few years. Well enough of that rant...
I got with Cloud Dreamer again and talked about working as her maiden and getting more involved in the Coven here. She still reminds me so of the mother I wish I could have gotten. A almost-unconditional love and friendship and someone who softly offers a hand to help me get where I feel I need to be instead of coming in to 'change me' for the better.
Okay well my Class schedule I did not post yet is:
TVI: Hth 100, Mathh 99, Eng 100, Chem 100, and Csci 100
UNM: Bio 224/l, Comm 130, Polsci 310, EMT-B (All on audit until they get my transcript officially.)
